TEEN DATING VIOLENCE AWARENESS
Submitted by Help Now of Osceola County
Red light, green light! Actually, let’s call it red flag, green flag. The simple game can play a role in real life when dealing with toxicity in our relationships. Do we keep moving forward, or do we stop?
The answer should be stop, although it’s not as simple as one may think. Why is it hard for us to stop at a red flag when we see one in a relationship? It’s because our love blinders are up! We are infatuated with the idea of love that we look past the red flags and give up a bit of ourselves each time we come across one, as long as those love blinders are up. In order to keep our blinders down, we need to have a support system, those who will encourage, support, and help keep us true to ourselves while we work through this together.
Understanding red flags can be hard — some red flags you cannot see, unlike physical abuse, where we can see bruises or the occasional black eye. The story of the bruise can sound like, “They meant to throw it at the wall, it wasn’t supposed to hit me. I moved. It was my fault.” From that sentence alone, we can identify that there is more than one type of abuse occurring. You can’t have one without the other, because they all correlate. In order for a victim to minimize the abuse, the abuser has been able to manipulate their thoughts into thinking that the act of violence was because of them — False.
The act of violence is solely created and expressed from the person who is being violent. It’s up to us to understand how to release negative emotions and choose between using violence vs. communication.
So how do the other red flags show themselves in true form? Through power and control. After all, that is a reason why abusers are, well, abusers.
Power and control can showcase itself through emotional and mental abuse. Narcissistic characteristics leave victims feeling helpless, detached from life, and the feeling of not being enough. Abusive partners have a tendency to curate and control our thoughts which causes us to believe we are nothing without them. Or, that they are nothing without us and because of that, we HAVE to stay. In the eyes of jealousy and intimidation, abusers show their love in ways of what they believe is protection. They “trust” us, but no one else, so they have to make sure they are keeping an eye out. They want the password to your Instagram account to message the guy who randomly slid into your DMs unprovoked. The next day, you notice half of your friends have been blocked because they “don’t trust them or don’t like them.” You go with what your partner says because you truly believe they are doing it because they love you.
There’s no shame in wanting to believe that its out of love, but understand when the jealousy and control come in a malicious nature or an intimidating tone, pull the love blinders down a little bit and grab your support system. There might be some tough emotions coming ahead as you regain your confidence, but self-care and friendships are a must to staying grounded and empowered.
