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Plenty of cheap turkey to go around during football weekend

Posted on Wednesday, November 22, 2017 at 6:00 pm

Ken Jackson
The Sports Column

So there’s a report out saying that thanks to “a recent production boom” in the turkey supply, and “stagnant U.S. demand”, turkeys are cheaper this year.

“Chicken is more culturally instilled in people,” said a research associate with the American Farm Bureau Federation.

You know what that means, don’t you?

Cheaper deep friend turkey pudding!

That popping sound you hear is clearly pants unbuttoning all across the land to make room. Or it could be remote control buttons, as Americans look for something other than football to watch after sundown tonight.

The NFL can’t come up all flaming turkey wings when it comes to scheduling the annual Thanksgiving slate. Who knew that Washington would be mediocre and, at 2-8, the Giants would smell like week-old deep friend tur — you get where I’m going here. They play the NBC nightcap. I’d rather have conversation with my in-laws than suffer through that.

King Goodell’s minions lucked into Minnesota at Detroit. The Lions, Thanksgiving’s original football hosts, can make the NFC North race a fun one with a win over the Vikings, who have Case Keenum at the helm — and are winning anyway.

The Cowboys host the L.A. Chargers, which is good, because now somebody will pay attention to them (they’re playing in a 25,000-seat temporary stadium they can’t sell out) and, at 4-6, maybe we finally found a team the Cowboys can beat.

Farther into the weekend we get the big college rivalry games. Buried in there somewhere is Florida-Florida State, which this year ranks behind UCF-USF and whatever sale the big box gadget store is having. After all, the more TVs you have, the more football you can watch at one time!

Enough about that, there’s still like a month before we really have to worry about Christmas shopping, right fellas! Now it’s time to unfold the napkins, pass the silverware and dive into today’s Mighty News-Gazette Special Annual Thanksgiving Divine Nine:
1. Cheap turkey. 2. Gravy. 3. Potatoes (sweet, mashed, fried, they’re all good today). 4. Warm rolls. 5. Properly constructed paper plates (for those with large gatherings). 6. The large families. 7. Mid-day naps (between the games, of course). 8. Elastic waistbands. 9. Deep friend turkey pudding!

To the picks:

Turkey Day:

Minnesota (-2) at Detroit: C’mon, Case Keenum can’t really beat Matt Stafford, can he? Lions by 4 and a piece of John Madden’s ‘ol turducken.

L.A. Chargers at Dallas: This game is “pick’em.” To do what? Even cheap turkey can’t help them. Cowboys by dessert time.

N.Y. Giants at Washington (-7): Just in time for the Pepto. Redskins by bedtime.

Ole Miss at Mississippi State (-16): Egg Bowl. Where will Dan Mullen eat his leftovers over the weekend? Gainesville? Knoxville? Bulldogs by 14.

Black Friday:

USF at UCF (-10): This won’t be a usual turkey trot for UCF. Knights by 6.

Miami (-14): Does ‘the U’ have any turnover chains made out of turkey? Do they have one more in them before Clemson? ‘Canes by just 4.

Saturday:

Ohio State (-11.5) at Michigan: Buckeye fans get real up tight about this one. Relax, you’ve been beating these guys for 80 years! Buckeyes by 7.

Alabama (-4) at Auburn: Two teams beating each other’s drumsticks in for the right to do it again next week against Georgia. Unless you live in Alabama, just go have some pie. Crimson Tide by 7.

FSU (-5) at Florida: Good seats available as Gator fans head to the airport to wait for Chip Kelly’s plane. They should bring him deep friend turkey pudding. ‘Noles, still alive for a lousy bowl, by 10.

Sunday:

Tampa Bay at Atlanta (-8.5): Good time to go shopping. Even for Dirk Koetter. Birds of the Other Feather by 7.

Miami at New England (-16.5): Oh dear Lord … Pats by 21.

Jacksonville (-4.5) at Arizona: Usually watching the Jags gives you indigestion. Cue the leftover deep friend turkey pudding … Cardinals by 3 in Surviving Red Bird Upset Special.

Brian “Big Man” McBride’s Super Sniffer Upset Special: Jets by 3.

Pete “The Gators Are Going To Win” Covino says: Gators by 1 Chip Kelly.

If you tire of food, or football, or family, Ken’s quasi-radio crew is here to save Thanksgiving. Tune into the “Community Sports Report” online Thursday from 4ish to 7ish p.m. at www.wprk.org or on the TuneIn app and search WPRK.