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Who are you? Where are we?

Sports

Friday, 23 September 2011 12:00

Ken Jackson
Sports Writer

It’s time to play a rousing round of the game “Who Are You And What Have You Done With?”
This football-themed edition features the team and then the fill-in-the-blank question. And heeeeere we go!

UCF? I know you trounced Boston College after all the buildup, but you can’t have a let-down game against a school you directly recruit against. All those mistakes in losing to FIU were like scenes from a bad movie (“Invasion of the Body Snatchers” comes to mind).
The Ravens? In seven days, you go from trouncing the mighty Pittsburgh Steelers to losing soundly to the Tennessee Titans, who might win three games (well, four now) this season?
The Bills? Granted, getting to 2-0 by beating the Chiefs and the Raiders isn’t a stretch, but still, most people didn’t pick Buffalo to beat the band. Beat the Patriots on Sunday and we’ll really start to believe that aliens are in charge.
Common sense? The Pac-16? The Big 16? The ACC going to 16? “Hey boys! Who cares if we destroy the fabric of college football? We’re all going to be disgustingly rich!”
Well, they’re part right.
And, even if you ask nicely, we’ll never expand the Mighty News-Gazette Divine Nine (Unless the TV money is unreal.):
1. Boomer Sooner (sorry FSU fans). 2. Roll Tide. 3. The Boys From Old Florida. 4. The Pack. 5. The 2-0 J-E-T-S. 6. FIU’s pass rush and special teams. 7. The Cardiac Bucs. 8. The Brady. 9. Like Brady But Different, i.e. Cam Newton.
Now for your picking pleasure ...
Florida (-19) at Kentucky: Scary to think that the Gators might be a really good team but are either overlooked or unnoticed. Hard to not notice how bad UK is. Mighty Muschamps by 21.
Florida State at Clemson (-2): Things are starting to happen to, instead of for, that team that people heaped title hopes on. Tigers by 4.
Arkansas at Alabama (-11): The SEC Game of the Century of the Week is kinda weak today. Tide by 10.
LSU (-5.5) at West Virginia: Mountaineers will contend for Big East title. Tigers will contend for national title. LiSooU by 2.
Notre Dame (-6.5) at Pitt: What happened to the Irish team from three weeks ago that wasn’t ready for prime time? Coach Kelly did something to them. Maybe he just screamed something. Catholics by 7.
The paid professionals:
Jacksonville at Carolina (-3.5): Blaine Gabbert vs. Cam Newton. Wasn’t even a fun college matchup. Panthers by 8.
Miami at Cleveland (-3): If this game was televised, I’d be asking: “Who are you, and what have you done with the NFL?” Browns by 6.
Atlanta at Tampa Bay (-1): Because nobody knows what happened to the Bucs fans, I don’t get to see this pretty good game on TV. Falcons by 3 in Black Bird Blackout Upset.
N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia (OFF): Mike Vick may have killed dogs, but he’d never stoop as low as to fake injuries on the field. Eagles by 3.
Green Bay (-3.5) at Chicago: Bears open the season with Falcons, Saints, Packers. Where’s the compassion? Defending Champions by 7.
Pittsburgh (-10.5) at Indianapolis: You can’t imagine the Colts going 0-3, can you? Not only can I imagine it ... Steelers by 7.
Washington at Dallas (OFF): Tony Romo doesn’t have a bad rib. That was just sense getting knocked into him. Cowboys by 4.
Brian “Big Man” McBride’s Super Sniffer Upset Special: Jags by 3.
Petey “The Gators Are Gonna Win” Covino says: UF by 24.
Rick Pedone says: Noles by 4, Our Bucs by 3 and West Virginny by 1 in the Flaming Couch Upset Special.
Last Week: Knicked Knight (7-3, 16-10) blitzed Cracked Cranium (5-5, 13-13).