And the Masters winner is?

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And the Masters winner is?

Sports

Friday, 15 April 2011 13:06

Ken Jackson
Sports Writer

Hey, wasn’t that Masters great last weekend?
Would you know good golf if it hit you in the plaid pants?
If you need me to tell you that it was, well it really, really was. The golf people in their collared shirts and pleated khakis (with optional white belt and matching shoes) are still talking about it, mostly because they won’t have another hold-my-calls event until next month’s Player’s Championship.

That’s the one held at TPC Sawgrass — you probably know it better as The Island Hole and 17 other hiding places for gators.
Meanwhile, the rest of the non-golfing world has moved on. (Memo to those folks: give golf a chance. Isn’t it easier to make contact with and maneuver a ball that isn’t moving?) There’s more pressing issues that lie ahead, like the upcoming football season.
Um, yeah, about that ...
All this talk about the NFL labor impasse is really getting ridiculous. They’d never be stoopid enough to call off any part of the season. They wouldn’t, would they? COULD THEY!?!
This is getting serious. How serious? A federal judge has ordered arbitrators for the players and the owners to go to “court-appointed mediation.”
Holy safety blitz — this sounds like it has turned into a hearing about how to divvy up visitation of a 9-year-old child rather than nine billion dollars.
If this can’t be resolved by people who work in a courtroom, a whole lot of other people might end up in one. Sundays in the fall with no football? Leaves an awful lot of idle minds and bodies, and not all of them will make it to church.
If you’re one of those people who prefers to take in your football on Saturdays, then maybe you can’t be bothered. But, you better be if you like watching the NFL draft. Does it even feel like there’s going to be a draft?
I mean, it’s supposed to be in two weeks, but has anybody seen or heard from Mel Kiper? I really, really hope he’s in the backroom combing his hair ...
... I’d like to congratulate Masters champion Adam Scott. I’d like to, unfortunately he didn’t win and I can’t pronounce the name of the guy who did. Charlie Switzer? Shirley Schwartz?
Carl Spackler?
It’s quite a shame that Rory McIlroy, who’s still looking for the license plate number for the tank that hit him Sunday, couldn’t pull it out. Hailing from jolly ‘ol Northern Ireland, the post-tournament party would have been shown live on some premium cable channel. (Or MTV.)
But alas, he missed the fairway — and the Earth — on the 10th tee and made a mess of the rest of the day. Before that shot, he had the lead and there were five guys tied one shot behind him. The only one among them anybody remotely recognized was a certain Isleworthian — And aren’t we begging him to win to restore some sanity to the universe? — but it didn’t matter. Augusta is still the show, and the draw, the first weekend of April ...
... If you thought a friend or acquaintance went unexplainably missing last week, determine if he’s a Boston Red Sox fan. That may explain it.
The Sawks started the season 0-6 ... then had to face the Yankees. They took two of three from the Evil Empire, helping to uncrowd most Bostonian emergency wards.
Of course, they walked out chanting a phrase that insinuates that New York baseball players who wear pinstripes — how to be delicate here — inhale deeply?
Dude, you’re still 2-9. Go have some chowdaaa ...
... My buddy’s student loan got bought out and now he doesn’t know who’s in charge of it. I told him a sure-fire way to find out — quit paying on it. ... My 2-year-old has been begging us to go to Olive Garden for days now. Wonder where the sudden urge for Italian food came from?
Quote of the Week: “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball, and I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.” — Hank Aaron