Confusion reigns late in season

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Confusion reigns late in season

Sports

Friday, 12 November 2010 13:13

Rick Pedone
Sports Editor

Confusion reigns as we embark upon the latter stages of the 2010 football season, beginning with those who soon must cast their Heisman Trophy ballots.

Recipient-in-waiting Cam Newton, the Auburn quarterback who has been sensational, has what we in the trade call, “issues.”
Nothing major, just little stuff like the theft of a laptop at UF, possible academic fraud and then, after transferring, allegedly soliciting bribes to attend Mississippi State.
Moves like that work out fine if you are just running for Congress, but they are frowned upon (a little) in the sanctimonious strata that is big-time college football, where job No. 1 is to bury your transgressions. Deep.
We also have the Dallas Cowboys, or, more accurately, disillusioned owner Jerry Jones has them.
After repeatedly swearing his allegiance to Coach Wade Phillips through seven games, but then watching his team respond against Green Bay Sunday night with the tensile strength of sawdust, Jones discovered that his team was not playing, “winning football.”
Perhaps it was the 1-7 record that tipped him off, plus the fact that the Cowboys defensive backs looked like toreadors when they were in the general area of a ball carrier.
The Cowboys dilemma is simple (they quit) next to that of the Minnesota Vikings and Coach Brad Childress. No three psychiatrists working 12-hour shifts could untangle the mental mayhem that is the Vikings, a team, like the Cowboys, ordained for a potential Super Bowl berth.
Except for the fact that the coach doesn’t like the quarterback, and the quarterback doesn’t like the coach, and the coach got rid of the receiver (Randy Moss) he spent a third-round pick on, and some of the Vikings players hate the coach, well, it’s working out just fine in the Land of Ice Sculptures.
Also, there is Donovan McNabb’s sudden loss of stamina in Washington, but, frankly, we’re too confused to get into that.
Fortunately, there is nothing confusing about the Mighty News-Gazette Top 13. It’s always a mess:
No. 1: Auburn (with Cam Newton). No. 2: Oregon (and its confusing uniforms). No. 3: Confucius. No. 4: TCU. No. 5: Boise State. No. 6: LSU’s Les Miles (he always looks confused). No. 7: Prep player DeAnthony Arnett, who committed to about 15 universities Wednesday, including Slippery Rock. No. 8: UCF. No. 9: Tax forms (confusion squared). No. 10: Auburn’s Compliance Dept. No. 11: Slippery Rock (It really isn’t wet.). No. 12: The BCS. No. 13: JoePa (nothing confusing about 400 wins).
To the picks:
Southern Miss at UCF (-10): The Knights are ranked higher than any team in the state in one poll. It’s a true state of confusion. Knights by 19.
Miami (-3) at Georgia Tech: The ACC may be the most confusing conference in the country. Or, maybe it’s just bad. Canes by 7.
Clemson at FSU (-7): See above. Noles by 1.
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5): After five years, the Gators fans should realize by now that their Ol’ Ball Coach is coaching the other team. Gators by 7.
Georgia at Auburn (-8): If Newton plays, there is no confusion about who wins. Tigers by 10.
The paid professionals:
Carolina at Tampa Bay (-7): The Bucs may not be one of the top two teams in this division, but they certainly aren’t fourth. Bucs by 13.
Houston at Jacksonville (-1): No idea. None. Texans by 2 in the “Who Knows?” Upset.
Tennessee (-1) at Miami: Rolling out “The Pennington” doesn’t bode well for the Fins. Titans by 2.
New England at Pittsburgh (-4.5): The Steelers are out of linemen. The Patriots are out of Moss. Ironhats by 1.
Brian “Big Man” McBride’s Super Sniffer Upset Special: Patriots by 3.
Petey “The Gators Are Going To Win” Covino says: Gators by 8.
Young Jackson says: South Carolina by 3 in “All Those QBs Confuse Meyer” Upset, Jags by 3 as I’m just as clueless about them.
Last week: Stymied Senior (7-4, 51-42) slinked past Neurotic Knight (6-5, 54-39).