Rick Pedone
SportsEditor

Frankly, people, I don’t know how you do it.

Go to pro football games, that is.

Triple-digit ticket prices, bumper-car traffic, $20 parking, glacial security lines, $4.25 bottled water and 90-degree heat.

All of that, and there is no guarantee that your team isn’t going to belly-flop and send you home more miserable than when you started.

Apparently the folks in Tampa and Jacksonville have figured it out. The Jags have been covering up a quarter of the Gator Bowl – or whatever it’s called this week – seats for a few years, and over in Tampa, there were as many Steelers fans as Bucs fans in the house Sunday for Pittsburgh’s visit.

Can you blame them? Especially when their team is usually 20 points down in the third quarter.

There is tailgating. But, in September, tailgating in Florida is like eating a burger on Mercury. The suds evaporate.

Isn’t it better sitting in the A/C, in front of the 52-inch LED with surround sound? For free?

Between escalating ticket prices and the inconvenience of tying up an entire day for one football game, there may come a time when the NFL is paying us $100 to go to the stadium to create the right atmosphere for the TV viewers.

Think they’d toss in the ultimate nachos, gratis?

Now, the nacho-free Mighty News-Gazette Top 13:

1. Roll Tide. No. 2. Da Bears. No. 3. Charley Batch. No. 4: The OSU. No. 5: The K.C. Chefs (remember that classic Snickers commercial?). No. 6. Great Googly Moogly. No. 7: M. Vick. No. 8: UF’s Trey “6-pack” Burton. No. 9: George Blanda. No. 10: Ultimate nachos (OK, we fibbed. Sue us.). No. 11: The Steelers defense. No. 12: The offensive Bills. No. 13: Newly-signed Saints graybeard kicker John Carney, the 21st Century George Blanda.

To the picks:

Florida at Alabama (-9): This one is interesting. The rematch in December will be more important. Tide by 10.

FSU (-7) at Virginia: The Cavaliers stunned FSU here on a Thursday night in 1995 for the Noles first ACC loss. That seems so last millennium. Flaming Spears by 11.

Miami (-3) at Clemson: Speaking of the last millennium, these Canes resemble the teams that dominated in the ‘80s and ‘90s. Can’t wait for the return of the camouflage travel gear. Canes by 6.

Penn State at Iowa (-7): Gateway track coach Scott Sisson is a Hawkeye who absolutely, positively guarantees a win over Joe Pa today. Well, he mostly guarantees it. Kind of. Hawkeyes by kind of 10.

Oklahoma (-3 1/2) vs. Texas: Why are we letting the PC weenies change the name of this game from the Red River Shootout to the (cue the singing birdies) Red River Rivalry? What’s next, low-fat nachos at the concession stands? Sooners by a Shoot-’em-up 6.

The paid professionals:

Indianapolis (- 7 1/2) at Jacksonville: A sellout? The Mannings must have brought lots of friends, Colts by 10.

New England (-1) at Miami: This one definitely is worth buying a ticket to. Pats by 1.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh (-1 1/2): Ravens are not the Bucs, so is it Down the Hatch with Charley Batch for Steelers? Maybe. Maybe not. Stillers by 1.

Washington at Philadelphia (-6): The debate this week: Will they or won’t they boo Donovan McNabb. Question: When didn’t Philly fans boo McNabb? Boo Birds by 9.

Brian “Big Man” McBride’s Super Sniffer Upset Special: Dolphins over Pats by 3.

Petey “The Gators Are Going to Win” Covino says: Gators by 9.

Young Jackson says: Ravens by 2 in “I’m Wacko for Flacco” Upset Special, and applaud McNabb’s entrance, boo his first completion, and cheer when he skips a 6-yard out to Santana Moss. That’s my plan.

Last week: Numb Knight (3-6, 21-14) held off Seared Skull (5-4, 20-15).