There’s nothing like falling through the trap door 15 minutes into the football season, but, like the Cowboys, Chargers, Jets, Kevin Kolb and Reggie Bush, I’m already deep in a hole.

But, rather than to dwell on the disaster that was my football picks last week (we can do that later), I’ll take a moment to introduce my new heroine.

She would be Sonya Thomas, the pint-sized panzer who demolished 181 chicken wings in 12 minutes to win the national chicken wing eating championship recently in Buffalo, N.Y., the hallowed birthplace of the stomach-churning snack.

Thomas, all of 5-feet, 105 pounds, knocked off professional chewer Joey Chestnut, who is a foot taller and 130 pounds heavier than Ms. Thomas. Chestnut came in with 169 wings, which isn’t bad.

Most of us can knock down 50-ish, as long as the pitchers are refilled, especially if the game goes into overtime.

But, 181?

It’s no wonder that they call this woman the “Black Widow.”

Her secret?

“Sometimes if I try to chew too much, I slow down,” she said. “I used my hands more than my mouth.”

No, I don’t have any idea what she’s talking about, either, but she won.

This is why the woman is a legend: Shortly after the competition, Thomas knocked down 20 more hot wings. She said she was still hungry, calling  her performance in the championship contest, “an appetizer.”

She will keep her trophy, unlike Bush, who turned in his 2005 Heisman Trophy after he admitted to accepting thousands of dollars from agents before graduating from USC.

I’m all for shipping Bush’s Heisman award to Ms. Thomas. Anyone who can rip through 181 wings in 12 minutes deserves to be mentioned among the all-time greats.

Speaking of all-time greats, here is The Mighty News-Gazette Top 13:

No. 1: The Black Widow. No. 2: The Crimson Tide. No. 3: Big Blue. No. 4: Denard Robinson (The Irish are still chasing him). No. 5: The Brady Bunch. No. 6: The Saints. No. 7: The Ravens defense. No. 8: The Sooners. No. 9: The OSU. No. 10: Chicken wings. No. 11: Bleu cheese dressing. No. 11: Celery. No. 12: Wet naps. No. 13: Pepto Bismol.

To the picks:

UCF (-8 1/2) at Buffalo: So, they must sell chicken wings at the concession stands here, right? Knights by 7.

BYU at FSU (-9): About 80 local fans are taking buses to Tallahassee today to see Harmony grad O’Neill Chambers, now a receiver for BYU. My advice: Go easy on the chicken wings. It’s a long ride back. Noles by 5.

Florida (-14) at Tennessee: The Gators’ main problem will be to keep Chris Rainey from texting: “Time to eat wings and die!” to Vols fans. UF by 17.

Clemson at Auburn (-7): How about this? Clemson quarterback Kyle Parker and Auburn defensive back T’Sharvan Bell met in the 2007 Class 5A semifinal round, when Parker was the quarterback for Jacksonville Bartram Trail and Bell was the quarterback and defensive back for OHS. Bell hurt his knee in that game and missed the rest of the season. Revenge time. War Eagles by 7.

Notre Dame at Michigan State (-3 1/2): Irish relieved to play a team from Michigan that does not have Denard Robinson at QB. Irish by 2 in Upset Special.

The paid professionals:

Tampa Bay at Carolina (no line): It’s week 2, and already one thing is clear. These guys are playing for third place in the NFC South. Panthers by 1.

Jacksonville at San Diego (-8): Sometimes, the schedule puts you in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sorry Jags. Chargers by 10.

Miami at Minnesota (-5 1/2): See above. Vikes by 4.

New England (-1 1/2) at Jets: And, sometimes the schedule works out great. Pats by 3.

New Orleans (-5) at San Francisco: Is it possible for the 49ers to play any worse than they did last week? Even after 181 chicken wings? Nyet. Niners by 2 in Upset Special II.

Brian “Big Man” McBride’s Super Sniffer Upset Special (He’s 1-0!): Giants over Colts by 4.

Petey “The Gators Are Going to Win” Covino says: Gators by 30.

Young Jackson says: I like my wings BBQ hot or parmesan garlic, I like the Saints by 3, and they oughta give me Bush’s Heisman after last week’s picking wisdom.

Last week: Nitro Knight (9-2, 12-4) nuked Wing Brains (6-5, 10-6).