Rick Pedone
Sports Editor

Battered and bruised, exhausted, gasping for breath.

Is that the players in the Bucs locker room after another loss?

Nah, just the carnage to the shoppers in the aftermath of the Black Friday stampede at the local electronics store.

“I could’a had the $199 40-inch LCD TV, but I got horse-collared and double-teamed,” lamented one shopper.

You think that was bad? Today, it’s Christmas tree shopping. In homage to Bill Cosby’s brilliant comedy albums of the 1960s:

“You go down that aisle on the left and check out the Frasier Firs. I’ll cut left behind the tree stands and hit the Scotch Pines.”

“What about me?”

“You go long.”

You can ignore the whole shopping mess and stay home, pull out the six balls of twisted Christmas lights from the attic, and try to untangle them while watching the weekend’s football leftovers.

Don’t you wish that they would have saved LSU-Arkansas for today?

The SEC West might be the toughest division in football, pro or college.

Can you believe two of the three among Alabama, Arkansas and LSU might miss a BCS bowl berth if Georgia wins the SEC championship game?

At the same time, someone from the flawed and flailing Big East is going to get a BCS bid.

Go figure. Anyone else ready for a playoff system?

That’s No. 1 on my Christmas wish list. Well, No. 2, behind the $199 LCD 40-inch TV.

The Mighty News-Gazette Divine Nine:

No. 1: The SEC West. No. 2: The Wild Wild West. No. 3. Deep fried turkey pudding. No. 4: Leftovers. No. 5: Black Friday. No. 6: Cyber Monday. No. 7: The Kowboys. No. 8: The Harbaughs. No. 9: Sid the Kid.

The picks:

Florida State (-2.5) at Florida: Can you believe that these teams have combined for nine losses? Did they have nine losses during the entire 1990s? Flaming Spears by 6.

Clemson at South Carolina (-2): The Tigers looked like BCS championship game material three weeks ago. Now they’re underdogs to a USC team playing its third-string quarterback. Tigers by 6.

Georgia (-5.5) at Georgia Tech: Bulldogs have won nine in a row. That’s almost more than the entire state of Florida combined. Dawgs by 4.

Alabama at Auburn (-19.5): Think the Tide might be a little miffed about the way things turned out against Auburn last year? Roll Tide by 10.

Notre Dame at Stanford (-7.5): You know, there just isn’t much to say about this. Cardinal by 2.

The paid professionals:

Houston (-3) at Jacksonville: Can Matt Leinhart keep the Texans in the playoff hunt? Well, he can this week. Texans by 6.

Tampa Bay at Tennessee (-3): You can make a case for both of these teams losing. That probably won’t happen. Titans by 1.

Chicago (-1) at Oakland: Don’t worry, Bears fans. Kyle Orton may be riding to the rescue. That is supposed to cheer you up. Meanwhile, Da Raidas by 4.

New England (-4.5) at Philadelphia: Last week, no one would have given the Eagles a half a chance in this one. Now? What the heck, Green Birds by 3.

Denver at San Diego (-6.5): Timmy Tebow has won four of five, and the Chargers have dropped five in a row. Everyone saw this coming, right? Chargers by 2.

Brian “Big Man” McBride’s Super Sniffer Upset Special: Chicago by 3.

Petey “The Gators Are Going Win” Covino says: Gators by 6.

Andrew “Flaming Spear” Sullivan says: Petey is nuts. Noles by 3.

Ken “Young” Jackson says: Gamecocks by 14 in an SEC mauling, Bucs by 3 and Pats by 7 because that’s enough of that, Eagles.

Last week: Young Gobbler (8-2, 83-37) warbled past Wheezing Warrior (7-3, 77-43).