Ken Jackson
Sports Writer

An appeal to This Weekend:

From a football standpoint, you have very little to live up to thanks to your cousin, Last Weekend. Dude was a mess! Said he’d show but came late, drank all the good beer then passed out on the couch and we couldn’t get rid of him until he came to.

For fans of the newsroom teams, it was as bad as the Saturdays that the Gators play the likes of Faber College, who Florida would have much rather welcomed to Gainesville than Alabama.

They lost, and that was all we had to look at. USF lost Thursday. UCF and FSU didn’t even suit up. Miami beat Bethune-Cookman. That doesn’t count.

And then Sunday ... our office features Steelers, Eagles and Cowboys fans. All losers. Dallas and Philly blew three-TD leads in the second half.

It took the Buccaneers of camera jockey Andrew Sullivan to lift us from the deep cockles of Last Weekend.

Maybe This Weekend will be the opposite, and by Sunday night it can earn a spot in the Mighty News-Gazette Divine Nine:

1. Roll Saban. 2. Boomer Sooner. 3. The Green Bay Machine. 4. Wisconsin’s equally great Badgers. 5. Detroit Lion City. 6. Our Bucs (the whole office claims them now). 7. Texas Rangers’ 3B Adrian “Tres Adios” Beltre. 8. R.I.P. Steve Jobs (my first computer was an Apple IIc). 9. The cabbie who took Last Weekend home.

And now for your picking pleasure ...

Florida at LSU (-13.5): Charlie Weis is hesitant to name a starting QB. Probably because he’s trying to get Tebow back. Geaux Tigers by 11.

Marshall at UCF (-17.5): Knights more than a two-touchdown favorite? Have the boys in Vegas seen different stuff that us alums have the last three weeks? I’ll take a betting slip please, a pen, the points and the Knights by 7.

FSU (-13) at Wake Forest: It’s UCF but in a BCS conference. Last two weeks make you wonder if this is still a gimmie. Yeah it is. Noles by 14.

Miami at Virginia Tech (-8.5): Last Weekend was mean to the Hokies, too. They hold same hope for This Weekend as we do. Tech by 10.

Texas vs. Oklahoma (-10): How lame is this now? Used to be a Shootout. Now it’s just a Rivalry. I blame Last Weekend. Sooners by 7.

Georgia (-1) at Tennessee: Should be a good game, but these teams are almost irrelevant, like they could move to the Big 12 this winter and nobody’d notice. Vols by 3 in Incognito Upset.

Now for the slim pickins’ of Sunday: Tampa Bay at San Francisco (-2.5): History lesson – Tampa’s hero from Monday, LeGarrette Blount, was the same guy who lost his mind a couple of years ago for Oregon and threw wild haymakers on ESPN. This is also a lesson about second chances. Bucs by 3 in “Left Coast LeGarrette” Upset.

Cincinnati at Jacksonville (-2.5): Andy Dalton vs. Blaine Gabbert? Is it being blacked out because of low ticket sales or indecent exposure laws? Jags by 3.

N.Y. Jets at New England (-9.5): Pats hate the Jets. Rex Ryan hates everybody, including Last Weekend. Mad Pats by 6.

Green Bay (-4) at Atlanta: Early schedule not kind to the Black Birds, who most of us had in the playoffs. Packers by 2.

Chicago at Detroit (-6): Finally, someone who doesn’t want to beat up Last Weekend. Lions, good or lucky? Yanno, there’s casinos in Detroit. Lucky Lions by 1.

Brian “Big Man” McBride’s Super Sniffer Upset Special: Bears by 7.

Petey “The Gators Are Going To Win” Covino says: Gators by 3.

Rick “No They’re Not” Pedone says: Petey’s dreaming, but at least he’s not dumb enough to play QB for UF against LSU. And, Dawgs by 1.

Last Week: Phlushed Philly (8-4, 34-16) and Labored Leader (8-4, 30-20) are ready for This Weekend.