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Life in the Cat House

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My wife, Vivian, said the other day she is going to fire our cat Ozrow if he doesn’t improve his job performance. That’s an empty threat, of course. She’ll let Ozrow get away with anything, including doing nothing if that’s what he wants.

All this started with a mouse in the house. (Mice are a problem for people who live in the country, as we do.) A mouse was on the loose in the bedroom and Ozrow made no attempt to catch it. He was so unconcerned I think the mouse might have run across his nose without him taking any notice.

On top of that, he has not been supervising Vivian’s outdoor work the way he should. She depends on him to make sure she plants flowers correctly, digs holes properly, and spreads mulch evenly. She said if her flowers don’t grow as they should, it’s all going to be Ozrow’s fault.

We kind of make a game out of blaming the cat for a lot of things, even when we know he is innocent. She does have a point this time, though. The cat is getting lazy as the weather warms. He spends most of the daylight hours outdoors and soaks up the warmer weather, but he doesn’t do much else.

On top of that, he has been over-eating, which causes him to throw up at times. Those times always seem to be in the house. We had to clean up after him twice in one afternoon a few days ago. He never seems to upchuck unless he is in the house. I guess he doesn’t want to despoil the great outdoors.

As we have been doing a lot lately, we had a discussion one night about how Ozrow is going to react when a kitten shows up. Vivian thinks he will perk up and become his normal self again, which means walking with a strut and running through the house early in the mornings.

I said I hope he doesn’t decide to be mean to a kitten. Vivian said that will never happen.

“Ozrow doesn’t have a mean bone in his body,” she said. “He’s a big hearted kitty and a good kitty.”

She’s probably right. He always got along just fine with other cats, although he has always been the youngest cat around and may just have had respect for his elders. Whatever happens, there is no danger of Ozrow ever getting fired. Vivian is always saying he is the best cat we’ve ever had. I tend to agree with her, despite the way he mostly ignores me. Being around him makes Vivian happy and that makes me happy.

I think most of his problem lately has just been a serious dose of spring fever. He is a hot weather cat and the temperatures this past week have been greatly to his liking. It’s been ideal weather for him to lay on the deck most of time, then going out on yard patrol later in the afternoon. He does still do his job of stalking bugs and keeping them away from the house.

I think it’s only fair Ozrow has a chance to rest up and be the only cat for a while.

His life is bound to change when a kitten appears, which is not going to be too long from now. We can’t wait to see what happens then.